notice up front: this post will be long.
i can only hope that any of you have felt love for a friend the way i feel love for doug. he is a friend among the most incredible friends of all time – in fact, we might actually be dangermouse and penfold. if for some reason i haven’t talked to you or you haven’t been listening, doug has been in japan for the last 2 years and change. he’s working over in gifu, telling people what other people are telling them.
anyway, the point and the purpose is that doug invited me many months ago to his big sister’s wedding. of course, i accepted. how could i not act as a beard to the one person who means so much to me? and not only did he invite me to a party! he also brought me NINE FLAVORS OF KIT KATS. we sat down this weekend, after the ceremony, reception and post-reception margaritas and dug right into them. first one, then 8 more. then we decided how we felt about each one. would you like to know how we felt about each one? let me tell you.
we’ll do this in list form. from bottom to top, here’s the deal:
9. orange and chocolate. this was genuinely disgusting. it was the worst part of the orange combined with the worst part of the chocolate. it was like they scraped the bottom of a big vat of hershey’s special dark that’d been melted and re-formed about 500 times and combined the scrapings with orange rinds and the gross white veins that hold the pulp together.
8. bitter. as the name suggests, except certainly no more bitter than the orange and chocolate. this was like the vat of special dark, except only melted and re-formed a couple of times.
7. cherry blossom. this one did taste floral, i’ll give it that. it was the first one i tasted, and maybe that had something to do with why i wasn’t all the way into it. the white chocolate wasn’t as creamy as it could’ve been, and as a result the whole thing took on a strange yogurt-covered feel. i’m not a big yogurt-covered fan. but the flavor wasn’t all the way bad.
6. vanilla bean. the vanilla beans are not nearly as visible as they make them seem on the packaging. then again – we had been drinking for about 7 hours at this point (so forgive all the shitty photos). anyway, it’s not nearly as good as the vanilla ice cream with the little black specks in it (which won c.edwards a trip to amsterdam, for those of you familiar). and again, the white chocolate was not up to par, and the vanilla flavor wasn’t strong enough. but it was tolerable.
5. chesnut. this one wasn’t too bad at all. it did have a nutty flavor that wasn’t quite like hazlenut, but i don’t eat too many chesnut-flavored things, so i can’t say with certainty that it even really tasted like chesnuts. but i enjoyed it. actually, i think i might go back and revisit this one (i have 3 sticks of each flavor left at home that i plan on sharing with mister). doug wasn’t too fond of this one. he didn’t elaborate on why, he just said “meh”.
4. green tea and milk. i was only okay with this one for the same reason i was only okay with the green tea locopop. it tasted more like the powder for a green tea frappucino than actual green tea. the flavor wasn’t bad, but the texture and the whole experience wasn’t that great. doug liked it, but i think he’s been eating this flavor for a while and knew what to expect. i think i expected more out of a kit kat from japan than out of a popsicle in durham. who knows? for the record, from what i could tell, the filling was the same in all of them. i will go back and investigate this further, as well.
3. cantaloupe. by far the flavor i was anticipating the most. only i didn’t really have the expectation that it was going to be good. and it wasn’t really good, but i was amazed that they could get a kit kat to smell straight up like a cantaloupe. they really got the smell down, but the flavor just tasted strange. it was still chocolate, but it smelled like cantaloupe. and it kind of tasted like … i don’t know what it tasted like. 3 day old fruit salad? but not rotten? anyway, i was impressed by the technology, mostly, and doug wasn’t too moved.
2. kiwi fruit. by far the most exciting packaging, which gave it points. it didn’t taste anything like kiwi at all, but it did taste like every sanrio candy i’ve ever had, so i gave it points for making me nostalgic for 9th grade. also, it really was pretty delicious. finally, the chocolate was smooth and sweet, the way i’d expect a kit kat to be. doug said it tasted like how every kiwi candy in japan tastes. which i guess is like watermelon candy here, but i don’t like the flavor they say is watermelon. why is it sour? anyway.
1. white chocolate with hokkaido milk. really delicous. i would’ve probably eaten the whole thing, even though all i’d been doing all day was filling my belly with assorted foods and drinks. finally a white chocolate that was silky and nice and not waxy or powdery. and it wasn’t really disgusting sweet, like white chocolate you get at wythe. it was like sweet milk, like that not-too-sweet hand-whipped cream. it was just overall really good. doug also prepped me by saying it was the best one, but i don’t think that really made a difference. it was the shit. look at all the thumbs!