as i sit on the couch, in peace and quiet and alone in the house with not a single tv on for the first time in probably 8-10 months, there are no fewer than 3 squirrels fighting or having an orgy on the big leopard curtain on the other side of the wall from me.
they started fighting about 5 minutes ago, and it sounded like someone dropped a bunch of firewood on top of a racoon, who in a frightened and stimulated state, tried to claw its way into our house. so, naturally, i went to go check it out. i thought, actually, that it might be some kitten or something that got attacked and was trying to find solace in my house. not so! i look out on the patio, and there is one squirrel walking across the curtain rod, and at least 2 moving, squeaking, scratching, moaning beings underneath the curtains, either trying to claw their ways up the curtains or back down them, or across them to whatever else was a few feet away, also obscured by massive leopard-print swatches.
i watched for a while, because i really thought there was no way the creatures under the curtains were also squirrels. they were really terrifying! and were making moaning sounds i have never heard a squirrel make. but, lo and behold, a minute or so later, they both fled the scene, apparently by sliding down the windows (which make up the wall which is covered in heavy, woolen, leopard-print fabric swatches) to the ground. squirrels!
these squirrels are crazy! and i already have a strong dislike for squirrels because of that one time at william and mary when a crackhead beggar squirrel climbed up on the table i was eating at and stared me down, tapping its claws and waiting to scratch and bite at my hands until i dropped my bagel. this was just as scary! i actually thought that if they tried hard enough they could burrow through the wall and onto my head. it kind of felt like zombies or aliens were trying to get me just now. great. now that it’s just me in the house, without all those big, burly men i live with to protect me.
makes me want to buy a gun.