I’ve been wanting to write a lot – like pages and pages and pages – but I also feel like I have nothing to say.  That’s a problem.  So the new goal is to try to find something new to obsess about (not TV, but maybe books) and then just obsess the hell out of it.  Learn something new.  Go to the library and go to the reference section or something.  Liven things up around here!  We’re about to hit the doldrums!

I saw something that I think I could knit by sight, and so I’m going to try.  Stretch those muscles.  Also, I’m setting a deadline to at least establish an etsy storefront by Thanksgiving.  I’ve been sitting on this ass too long about it.  And if my family is going to front like they’d pay money for my knits, then I’m going to take them up on it.  That’s not to say that I wouldn’t happily continue to simply give away all my knits for eternity, but that is somewhat unsustainable.  I’m also on the lookout for decent places to bring some hand-knits to donate.  The Catholic church will take them, I think.  Winter is rough.  I could also take some to the Occupy Chapel Hill people, or just take them straight to the homeless shelter.  Two separate people that I love have suggested it in the last week, so consider it done.

One thing I miss about school is how easy it is to volunteer for things.  It’s harder to do that when you’re not a member of any groups and you don’t go to church or work with people who do that stuff.  Self-initiated service is intimidating.  But I have time and nurturing to offer, so I really need to step it up on the service front.  It’s not cool to just keep myself all to myself.  O is in an honor society at school now and I think some opportunity will arise from that.  In the past I’ve also done some stuff with the WM alumni around here, but not even close to any significant amount.  So that’s something I’ve been thinking of a lot.

Basically I got so depressed about work for a couple of months that all I could bring myself to do during my off time was sit.  And then when I wasn’t doing anything productive or rewarding outside of work I felt even worse.  Knitting a sweater and having visitors has really helped.  I like it when the house is clean.

So when I said that I didn’t have anything to say, I didn’t mean that I didn’t have a lot of words in me that want to come out, but it’s the substance that I’m working on.  I can stop being a drain on society and start adding to the awesomeness in the world.  I can become an expert in something or make people smile or keep them warm.  Before I start having kids I want to make sure I’m the kind of person who deserves to clone myself.

About apheckel

one world at a time.
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2 Responses to so

  1. JJ says:

    You may not feel that you are contributing enough but “drain on society” is far from accurate. (I think that I know you know this.) Being mindful of your thoughts and emotions in a nonjudgmental way can also be one of the things you do to help put more positive energy into the universe (as you mentioned elsewhere). And finally, I can help you help others; next time we hang out, remind me to talk to you about volunteering. You may also pinch my finger for so much wagging at you today.

  2. apheckel says:

    The non-judgment part is very hard for me (I lean very strongly J on the Meyers-Briggs) but yeah I see what you’re saying. And yes, hanging out is a must. We have all sorts of stuff to talk about!

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