i discovered another flavor of 5 gum that slipped under the radar with the shipment of cobalt we got last week. it’s berry flavored, and basically tastes like sucrets, with the usual aspartame aftertaste. completely disgusting, if you needed that translated. oh, and it’s called elixir, which is another complete turn-off.
then, when i got home, i realized that lyle had bought a small treat. sunkist strawberry! i remember drinking a can of sunkist strawberry (or maybe it was out of a two-liter) when i was a kid at a pool party where i may or may not have drowned slightly. i don’t have much of a memory other than being in the deep end and being scared and then being out of the pool, and sunkist strawberry, but i’m taking the lack of distinct memory as further evidence of drowning.
anyway, naturally, i cracked open a can and mixed it with organic vodka from the mid-west.
also, and this is just a small joke, these pro-high fructose corn syrup commercials are the most hilarious things on tv, at least until 30 rock comes back on.
superglue gumshoe 
Don’t you love how the anti-high fructose corn syrup people are portrayed as assholes? I especially enjoy how they immediately jump to condescension?
“Ooooh….guess you don’t care about your own kids….”
And that juice that the pro-mom was pouring is that bo-bo jug juice from Food Lion???
I also like the “it’s okay in moderation, just like REGULAR sugar.”
Question: how can it be taken in moderation if it’s in almost every food product possible?
Huh.
“i thought you loved me” “i do, take two bites [of this popsicle, which is obviously the most logical picnic dessert]”.
“it’s made from corn” which, i guess, is essentially true, apart from the fossil fuels used to manufacture and transport this garbage.
it’s like someone eating a freez-pop and saying “it’s got the same color as the sky, so what the hell is your problem?”
I used to drink Strawberry Sunkist after karate lessons when I lived in Louisiana. (I was five at the time, so don’t make comments like, “Well, duh, you’re gay.”)
Also, how about us bashing high fructose corn syrup in the same post about your enjoyment of Strawberry Sunkist, which I’m going to guess isn’t made from the juice of crushed vine-ripened strawberries and the purest of sugar….
So, in true hypocrisy, I’ll deflect and say… popsicles at a picnic is so fucking clown-shoes anything she has to say is automatically absurd.
But, let us take the focus off HFCS on put it on more of Doug’s (gay) childhood recollections of Strawberry Sunkist and (gay) karate lessons in Gaysiana.
Oh, memories.
PS-don’t hate me Doug.
Also, every time I try to type “Doug” I inadvertently type “Dough”
well, obviously, doug, your parents were just trying to keep your skinny child ass from wasting away to nothing, and so they would let you think you were working out and keeping trim, then they would continue with the chubbing plan that all parents secretly have for their children. the purpose is mostly so they can show you pictures of yourself when you were a child and you can say “wow, i really grew out of all that chub!”
also, natalie, doug told michelle and i once that his family always puts an “h” on the end of his name, to which michelle said, “like doug-hhuhuhhhhuh?”