I just spent an hour after work doing a pretty thorough inventory of my clothing in preparation for the fall. I just wanted to know whether I need to buy cardigans or not. Though in packing away all of the clothes I can’t or don’t wear anymore, I discovered a few things about myself:
- I am plain.
- The vast majority of my clothes are teeshirts. I mean, vast. I have three drawers that I separated into three categories: Bottoms, Long Sleeves and Short Sleeves. The fullest one by a mile is Short Sleeves and it is primarily teeshirts, and that’s taking into account the sweaters and sweatshirts and hoodies in the Long Sleeves drawer. The emptiest drawer is Bottoms.
- I like to buy band teeshirts and I like to paint on plain teeshirts.
- I have many (many) teeshirts that would be unsuitable to wear on their own because of immodest sheerness. I only have one plain teeshirt that I could wear on its own that isn’t screen printed or painted on. I just ordered three more exactly like it except in different colors.
- I have five pairs of pants that are suitable for wearing outside the house and three of them are jeans. I likewise have five skirts and three of them are black.
- I have like eight pairs of sweatpants.
- I have two pairs of shorts and they are identical running shorts.
- I like solid colors. I have eight articles of clothing in my dresser that aren’t solid (not including anything screened or painted, but including stripes).
- I have maybe two articles of clothing that could be described as “sexy.”
- I have not a single article of clothing that could be described as “whimsical.”
- My shoes are disproportionately fancier than my clothes.
- Over the years, my taste has become so rigid that unless a teeshirt comes from American Apparel or BDG, I don’t buy it. Of the twenty-two teeshirts I wear on a daily basis, only two don’t obey that rule. One was a gift and one I bought from a thrift store the summer of 2002.
- I have a giant stack of teeshirts that either don’t fit me or I don’t wear for whatever reason that I can’t bear to part with. It’s the largest stack of all.
This doesn’t include any special occasion clothes, of course. Those live in the closet and rarely ever see the light of day and are generally of a much higher quality. But I have determined that if I’m dressing for the job I want, then I want to be a record store clerk or a mechanic. I’m open to gifts and anything that is nice, comfortable, and colorful.
Moral: Let’s go shopping.